Story of my life

When you hear that all your exes have moved on to living better lives and you’re here like “Is 10am too early to have fried chicken?”

Wanna karaoke?

THE JOKES ON YOU! That’s a special wand. Wink wink nudge nudge.

Why I’m always poor

I can’t walk down the city streets without donating all my cash or loose change to the random buskers and homeless people.

Because my heart is too big for my wallet.

One would think that the last time I gave the middle finger to another motorist on the road, who then proceeded to stop, get out of his car, walk up to my window to verbally abuse me, I would have learnt my lesson not to start fights I couldn’t finish.

Well…I did not.

(In my defence, he was at fault. HONEST!)

So it’s no surprise I found myself in a mini high speed chase when some fucker hit me and took off. But after running 2 red lights, a little voice in my head said “Dude, you’re in a rough as fuck neighbourhood, don’t you remember EVERY SINGLE STEREOTYPE about situations like these?!”

Indeed I did. And so I drove home and reported them to the police. I would very much like to NOT die today thanks.